first drafts, bustling, coconut cake, and a week to go.

My dissertation has been doing a number on me. I spoke with a really kind principal who is going to let me use his school for some testing on his students. He intimidated me, at first, but when I was done, I said to myself, "Kim, why do you feel so dejected? You got a 'Yes!'...after so many 'No's' and 'Maybe's"', so there it was...an open window. I hope it doesn't shut on me before I actually get everything set up for testing.

Some stuff happened today that made me understand the importance and special-ness of my relationship with Micah. I can't elaborate on the "stuff", but I can say that having Micah in my life has made a significant change in me. Awhile ago, I remember hearing that people who think marriage will be an end to loneliness are in for a big disappointment. I took this bit of information very seriously, and I have been waiting for a lonely day to come by so that I remember not to blame it on Micah or our relationship.

Today was a lonely day. Some of the stuff that occurred reminded me of other stuff that has been hard for me for the last 3 years, ushering in memories of really sad and lonely times. Yet, something wonderful occurred to me: I know Micah can't cure all of my loneliness and he can't save me from hurt feelings in other relationships, but I have this assurance that, at the end of a day- crappy or wonderful, as it may be- I can go home and know that I am loved. I've never been loved like that. My parents love me, but you know how we all excuse their love because they "have to." (though now I know just how many parents do not love their children, so I am reminded of how lucky I am to have good parents) But, Micah chose to love me...and it is a choice he took seriously when he asked me to marry him.

So tonight was one of the first nights that this weary, independent girl...the one who made it out to Oregon and has faced many a-night of dreadful loneliness...came home and realized that she no longer had such a battle ahead of her. I don't have to come home and battle questions of my worth (as much), because I have a forever relationship. I am grateful for those lonely battles because I learned a lot, but that is a chapter of my life that I really don't want to visit ever, again. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to fight alone. I know tough times will be ahead for Micah and I, but we won't have to fight alone.