Dreams...

My dreams have been weird lately. Do you ever have dreams that, content alone, are not scary or sad, but that something about the mood and setting of the dreams just sets you off? I have had a lot of dreams about losing Micah. The actual "plot" of the dreams are nonsense, but I wake up feeling absolutely terrible...sometimes depressed and sometimes scared. I hate that! In general, I have had a lot of trouble getting sleep lately, so I think that my little mind is exhausted and very tired of being away from Micah. Let's get this over with!

Paper flowers

I just stopped cutting paper flower petals and I realized that I had been fixated on said task for 3 hours. Wow. That's not me. I'm the girl that takes ten minute breaks every 20 minutes. I get really impatient with menial tasks, but I guess I was feeling motivated. I did take a break and created my own design for some boutonnieres. I think they look pretty cute, but I am going to ask for opinions tomorrow. I also created our wedding program. Of course, the information is likely to change, so I won't print it yet (and I'm out of printer ink). I am pretty proud of them.

My friend, Jimi, is creating some artwork for the invitations. She said she had the mock up's nearly done and that I would get to check them out tomorrow. I am really excited to see what she came up with! After that, the wedding invitation construction frenzy shall begin. It will just involve a lot of printing and envelope stuffing. I am so not into cutting, gluing and scrap-booking every freaking invitation, but they are going to be one of a kind because of Jimi's artwork. I am REALLY excited to see those pictures...did I mention that?

Earlier tonight, I read the first three chapters of Alice in Wonderland to Micah. Micah started reading to me this summer and I loved it. I suppose it could be sickenly cute to some, but it has become something really special for us. Last night, I

read The Gremlins to him. It's a really cute book by Roald Dahl (my favorite childhood author). I like that Micah and I do simple things like that together.

Also, speaking of Micah, he is sending his application in tomorrow, so please keep praying. I think he did such a good job with all the materials required for the application and I hope that the admissions committee thinks likewise.

Anyway, I am going to finish picking up my room and provide some nice before and after pictures for you. The room got really bad, so I am thinking that some self-imposed public humiliation might prevent me from letting it get so messy in the future.

Long day tomorrow. More later.

Before:

Power mattress soup

I bought a bed, again. The bed that I bought about two years ago sucks. I hate to say it, but it really does. It's one of those new-agey beds that don't have springs and coils. They said that the foam used in the mattress was made with space-age technology that is supposed to absorb pressure and shock without breaking down. It broke down. Now it's all saggy on the left side (where I always sleep). If I ever try to sleep on the right side of the bed, I roll toward the left...toward my indentation.

Micah and I needed a new bed...and a bigger bed, so my parents gave us some money for one for Christmas. My dad did this really cool scavenger hunt, where he hid little envelopes of money all over the house. It was a really special present and an even more special memory. I just hope this new bed is better than the other (it's a queen pillow-top mattress made by a company in Tualatin...it FELT comfy!!)

Tonight, when I got home I realized that I had a bunch of veggies that were threatening to go bad, so I made another soup. It has sweet potatoes, chick peas, onions, garlic, turkey sausage, and kale...I hope it turns out. I decided to call it "Power Mattress Soup" :)

Now if only I could curl up our new bed and eat soup. That would make the day even better.

Currently reading:

Stitches: A Memoir by David Small (it's very good. I was able to read it in about an hour- it's like a graphic novel re: emotional issues)

Currently watching:

Mamma Mia!

Currently procrastinating:

My dissertation.

i am confused about my orientation...

Did that catch your attention? If not, you are probably a psychology graduate student. I am not having those kind of orientation woes. I am pretty much set in that sense...to Micah's relief, I'm sure. Psychology and counseling students the world over have probably had their fair share of battles with determining the therapeutic, theoretical orientation with which they most align. I am glad that my fourth year mentor, Hillary, was honest enough to tell me that most Fourth Years* don't really know their theoretical orientation. Others have said that it isn't appropriate to foreclose on a decision before a psychologist has made a few dives into therapeutic waters.

So what is a theoretical orientation, anyway? It's kind of like a blue print or a set of guidelines for how a therapist will likely "do" his/her therapy. It's a philosophy of how people work, why they hurt, and how they heal. Does it surprise you that there are quite a few of these and that none of them have solved any of these questions? It surprised me.

There are lots and I don't feel like writing down the list and their definitions. Instead, I will just write down the ones that appeal to me. It's my blog, after all.*

1. First reject: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)- I rejected this because it made me yawn. As irony likes to reign in my life, I am not really that surprised that I am actually a lot more CBT in my practice and thinking than I realized.

2. Psychodynamic Therapy- This has several subcategories- object relations, analytic, self, and defense. I feel like I was rejected BY this orientation (long story), so I am not on speaking terms with this orientation, though I do enjoy thinking dynamically.

3. Existential- I am very existential in so many ways. I hate to admit that this, too, is an offshoot of psychodynamic therapy.

Current orientation? I realized that I kept calling myself a very "practical" therapist. That boils down to CBT. Darn it! But, I like to have fun and think about clients in existential terms. I think it's because I like to blame people for being irresponsible and anxious. No really, I think it's beautiful to think that we are all struggling to find meaning in a very messed up world. It ties in nicely (though Rollo May would hate to hear me say this) with my Christian beliefs. We're all trying the best we can, but we get stuck in bad habits, with negative or bad thoughts, and it makes us feel crappy (behavior+cognitions/thoughts+emotions---CBT strikes again!)

It's 2am.

Footnotes:

1. My doctoral program is organized by cohorts; rather than saying "freshman, sophomore, junior, senior" we refer to the cohorts by number. During 4th year, the most advanced students mentor first and second year students. 2. I am very impressionable. I think that I started this blog because I like Julie and Julia so much.

Ride one mile on a hippity-hop

I am watching Friends, as I most always do. The episode I am watching is the one where everyone turns 30. Phoebe had a list of things she wanted to do before she was 30 and I thought it was a good idea. Of course, I may opt out of her ideas (riding a mile on a hippity-hop or going to sniper school), but mine should be good enough.

(listed in no particular order)

1. Get married to Micah

2. Get a PsyD!

3. Get a job

4. Pay off 1/4 of my student debt

5. Get out of the country for some reason or another (I have Europe Through the Backdoor on my bookshelf. I should make some use of it!)

6. Go to OMSI

7. Go to Crater Lake

8. Go on a Honeymoon :)

9. Buy my first car--i.e. the first one I will buy for myself

10. See the Atlantic Ocean

11. Learn to play chess

12. to be continued.

Party with friends

I have been having a lot of fun with my friends lately. On Thursday's, Amanda (one of my bridesmaids) makes dinner and invites everyone over. I have really enjoyed it. Usually, it is just Chloe, Kristin, Amanda and I...and I have started to prefer it to be that way. I doubt that anyone from school reads this, but- just in case- I want to clarify because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I find so many people in my cohort to be very special in my life, but there is something about that small Thursday night group that I just really look forward to being with. Last night, Amanda made some really yummy italian-style chili. Unfortunately, Chloe had to leave early, but Kristin, Amanda and I made silly videos and took silly pictures. It was really special to have that time with friends.

Tonight, Rachel had a housewarming party. That, too, was fun. However, one of the girls there was a bit different...again, I don't want to offend anyone--Rachel in particular---but I thought this might be blog-worthy. I overheard this relatively loud girl talking about "passing the verbal portion, but failing the math portion..." and I automatically assumed that she was referring to the PRAXIS--which Micah took as part of his application process to the Master's of Education program at Fox. I asked the girl about it...trying to make light conversation....but I soon realized that the girl had a bit of trouble regulating herself. Suddenly, she was very loudly going on...and on....and on...about another test she had to take. Apparently it covered everything from ABC's to rocket science and somehow, amazingly, she passed! I actually didn't find it amazing.

Instead, what I found to be amazing was the volume she could speak at and the amount of time she occupied trying to say something that seemed unimportant. I was trying really hard to pay attention and be gracious...but I was getting the feeling that everyone was watching me, smirking, to see how long I could take her ranting. Suddenly, Kristin and Sarah were snickering and I felt that moment of panic: should I do something to get out? what if I am stuck here forever? why isn't anyone saving me!?

Finally, though, someone came up and offered us tea. I broke away from the conversation to hear her say things like: "tea is made from seeds"..."bandages, bandages, bandages"...and "I've never been a parent but I am just as good as one! I can even handle blowouts" I was stupid enough to ask what blowouts were.

Miss Betty Crocker

This is my second week being a part-time student. For all intensive purposes, I am still considered Full-Time, but I am stretching my course load out so that I can add a year. Why add a year? Well, I want to be a good wife. I don't want to be applying for internships and then flying for interviews in my first year of marriage...that's all. Yet, I must say...I feel a bit more normal with less stress!

Being "normal" means that I can cook. I know everyone is really busy, but I am pretty biased. I think it's tough work being a graduate student. We do full-time job work with real clients with REAL problems. I'm not just a student. I am working for no pay...way more than 40 hours a week. I am being defensive, huh? Well, anyway, what I mean to say is that I have time to think...and my thoughts have been directed to cooking.

I started out by making some sort of chicken, carrot, and parsnips soup (it had curry). I think, overall, it needed more spice, but it was pretty good. Then I made chicken noodle soup...a definite winner...but tonight's bbq pulled chicken was the best :D

I invited friends to come over whenever because it was a crock-pot creation. It was really nice to see smiling faces, sit down, do homework, and laugh. The food was pretty good, but the company was better. The only thing missing was having Micah with me.

Micah arrives on February 13th, by the way. I am really looking forward to having him here. He is going to live down the street with some of my friends. I started to set his room up, but it still looks fairly empty.

Other than that, I have been trying to finish an assessment that has taken FAR TOO LONG to complete. It's been a bit of a mess and I feel like my head isn't screwed on just right because there are a lot of things up in the air...yet, there is a part of me that really enjoys learning to be more flexible. I just hope that my supervisors are gracious with my slowness.

Hmm...prayers- if anyone reads this, knows me, and is a praying-type of person, could you please pray for Micah as he is getting ready to come here? He needs to find a job and get settled...and, while I know it will be fine, I just hope that he has an easy transition.

That's all for tonight.

-Me

Patty Cake

Why am I not surprised by Pat Robinson's remarks regarding Haiti? Anyone?